We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
