I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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