my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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