Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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