I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
