why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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