there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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