I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
