Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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