I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
