All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
