My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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