Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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