Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
