I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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