I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
