When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
