do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
