your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
