don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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