So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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