i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
