Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
