god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
