Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
