i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
