I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
