Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
