ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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