So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
