Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
