and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i think i just lost a toe
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
