I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
