So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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