Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
try to milk me bitch
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