is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
