did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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