So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
