I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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