and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
