Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
