I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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