somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
