Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
