i barfeds in our rink
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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