She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
