Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
