im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
