she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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