Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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