Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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