So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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